Even the strongest couples experience disagreements, and according to relationship expert and psychologist Dr. Mark Travers, what couples argue about often points to deeper emotional patterns. Based on insights from a YouGov survey of 1,000 U.S. adults and his own research, Dr. Travers highlights the most frequent causes of conflict in relationships, explaining the underlying psychology and offering constructive solutions to help couples navigate them.
The three reasons are:
1. Tone and attitude
A sarcastic remark, harsh tone, or dismissive eye-roll is one of the most common triggers for conflict. Though they may appear insignificant, these behaviours can signal contempt—a strong predictor of divorce, according to marriage studies. Unlike direct criticism, contempt often shows up through subtle, non-verbal gestures. Dr. Travers recommends addressing the impact directly (e.g., “That felt condescending. Can we restart this?”) instead of reacting defensively. If you’re the one expressing such behavior, reflect on possible underlying emotions like feeling ignored or overwhelmed, which might be driving the contemptuous response.
2. Family relations
Disagreements about family often reveal deeper issues or unmet emotional needs in a relationship. One partner may feel neglected or unsupported, particularly if the other seems to side with their own family. When conflicts involve children, they often stem from differing core values. At the heart of these arguments, both individuals are usually seeking affirmation and unity from their partner. Dr. Travers suggests the key lies in offering mutual reassurance (e.g., “You’re still my partner—let’s find a solution that works for both of us”) and setting firm boundaries together as a team.
3. Housework
Despite common assumptions, arguments over household chores are rarely about the chores themselves. Instead, they stem from the imbalance of the "invisible load"—the often-unseen mental and emotional labor like organizing schedules or managing the household's emotional climate. Studies show that one partner typically carries most of this burden, often without acknowledgment, leading to resentment and conflict. Dr. Travers recommends beginning with recognition (e.g., “I didn’t realize how much you’re managing—thank you”) and then collaborating to distribute responsibilities more fairly. The goal isn’t a perfect 50/50 split daily, but a balanced approach that feels equitable over time.
The three reasons are:
1. Tone and attitude
A sarcastic remark, harsh tone, or dismissive eye-roll is one of the most common triggers for conflict. Though they may appear insignificant, these behaviours can signal contempt—a strong predictor of divorce, according to marriage studies. Unlike direct criticism, contempt often shows up through subtle, non-verbal gestures. Dr. Travers recommends addressing the impact directly (e.g., “That felt condescending. Can we restart this?”) instead of reacting defensively. If you’re the one expressing such behavior, reflect on possible underlying emotions like feeling ignored or overwhelmed, which might be driving the contemptuous response.
2. Family relations
Disagreements about family often reveal deeper issues or unmet emotional needs in a relationship. One partner may feel neglected or unsupported, particularly if the other seems to side with their own family. When conflicts involve children, they often stem from differing core values. At the heart of these arguments, both individuals are usually seeking affirmation and unity from their partner. Dr. Travers suggests the key lies in offering mutual reassurance (e.g., “You’re still my partner—let’s find a solution that works for both of us”) and setting firm boundaries together as a team.
3. Housework
Despite common assumptions, arguments over household chores are rarely about the chores themselves. Instead, they stem from the imbalance of the "invisible load"—the often-unseen mental and emotional labor like organizing schedules or managing the household's emotional climate. Studies show that one partner typically carries most of this burden, often without acknowledgment, leading to resentment and conflict. Dr. Travers recommends beginning with recognition (e.g., “I didn’t realize how much you’re managing—thank you”) and then collaborating to distribute responsibilities more fairly. The goal isn’t a perfect 50/50 split daily, but a balanced approach that feels equitable over time.
You may also like
Kaliganj bypolls: TMC candidate Alifa Ahmed secures landslide victory against BJP's Ashish Ghosh; CM Mamata Banerjee expresses gratitude
Middle East crisis: Supertankers making U-turns near Strait of Hormuz; at least 5 rerouted
KL Rahul smashes ninth Test century to put India marginally ahead against England
Delhi Speaker encourages young leaders to value integrity
Red Bull chief Christian Horner fires dig at rival F1 bosses as Ferrari stance clear
